| You
hear it all the time, "Where are all the nice guys?" A sorrowful plea
for sure; but women have a different definition of a nice guy then most men. In
fact, most "Mr. Nice Guys" have women friends, but rarely a serious
relationship with any potential to be long-term. |
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Characteristics of "Mr. Nice Guys" are
all the traits that women are looking for - a good listener, articulate, patient,
compassionate, expressive and someone who makes a women feel special. Nice Guys
are kind, reliable, safe and dependable. But, even with all that going for him,
"Mr. Nice Guy" is missing something that women want. Women want
a nice guy. But not "Mr. Nice Guy." When a woman dates "Mr. Nice
guy" she often wonders "What's wrong with me? He's Mr. Perfect, yet
I don't feel any chemistry. Isn't he what every women is looking for in a soulmate?"
Well, yes. . . but they're looking for a bit more. What's
missing?
A desire to remain independent is the missing link. Not independent
in the sense that he's not interested in settling down; but independent in that
he's able and willing to express his own opinion and desires knowing that he's
risking a disagreement or deal breaker. Women are looking for strength of character,
self-confidence and a sense of mystery - traits that are often lacking in "Mr.
Nice Guy." While women say they want a man to be sensitive, what they want
is a man to be sensitive to her feelings, to understand what she is saying, and
to listen to her. It's not about being emotional, like sobbing at a sad movie.
Keep it Mysterious
Many men make the mistake of sharing all of
their life experiences, emotions they've had, or every time their heart has been
broken. The inner strength that women desire is often wrapped up in the quiet,
confidence projected when men withold the emotional or minor details of their
past. Too Chummy?
"Mr. Nice Guy" often hears women
complaining about men not being 'open' enough and may over compensate. He shares
his feelings in hopes that a connection will be made. But discussing why your
past relationship failed, why your mother calls twice a day, etc. only strengthens
a friendship and can potentially sabotage any possibility of a love relationship.
"Mr. Nice Guys" may comes across as 'needy'. While he is telling his
women friends about the problems in his life he is also labeling himself as a
'loser-in-love' in their eyes.
Soft and Insecure
In essence,
"Mr. Nice Guy" is exposing more of his soft or feminine side and less
of his harder or masculine side. He rarely takes command of conversations or other
aspects of the relationship and may come across as insecure. "Mr. Nice Guy"
wants to be loved and will do things for people to gain acceptance. Women often
can't tell if 'Mr. Nice Guy' likes them for who they are or if he has attached
himself because she paid him some attention. Bold and Secure
A
nice guy, on the other hand, is a man who is living a balanced life, confident
in his masculine qualities, his assertiveness, confidence and physical strength
and self-assured in his softer characteristics like compassion, romance and love.
Women
trust "Mr. Nice Guy" not to hurt them and to be sincere, but also need
to trust their partner in more ways than this. Is the man strong enough to stand
up to disputes, anger, indifference and rejection? For those are the tools that
women often use in battle with the opposite sex; she needs to know that he can
handle all that she throws at him with boldness. A woman trusts the wilder parts
of herself with a man that embodies the wilder parts of himself.
By Vanessa May
DateShowcase.com © 2007
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