Communication and Listening

Communication may be the key to a great relationship, but what many people don't realize is that good communication isn't just about the words we speak - just as important to good communication is listening. Active listening requires us to focus our attention on the other person and to put our personal needs aside. Here are the benefits and tips to become a better listener:

The Benefits of Active Listening

• People listen attentively to each other
• Misunderstandings are avoided when people confirm that they truly understand what another person has said.
• Opens people up to speak more honestly and freely.
• Eliminates the defensive nature that arises when we are misunderstood

Successful relationships are based on a mutual interest and trust. How we communicate with each other can reflect how much we are willing to invest in a relationship. Not giving full attention to what is being said can be interpreted as a lack of interest and can be especially harmful if you're in the middle of a conflict. Here are some suggestions to help you learn how to listen actively:

Echo Back: One of the most effective ways to show that you are actively listening is by echoing back to them what was just said. It not only shows that you're listening it also makes it easier for you to remember what was said. The point is not whether you agree or disagree with what was said but to affirm your involvement and confirm your understanding of what was said.

Provide Feedback: Expressing your interpretation of what is being said can be helpful especially helpful in an intimate or stressful conversation. Your awareness of the emotions involved will help to squelch a developing conflict and shows your sensitivity to the emotional nature of the discussion.

Empathy: A key to active listening is empathy. By deliberately listening, we are trying to understand and identify with our partner and our response will validate what they are saying. Without this deliberate action of listening to understand, you may fall into several embarrassing situations :

• Mouthing foolish comments or a response that is totally inappropriate
• Providing an elementary level response to a serious discussion
• Disregarding the ongoing conversation and beginning a new one
• Offering a superficial response that shows a lack of interest

Five Tips On Being a Great Listener

1. Listen to learn first, then to respond - Your turn will come to speak after you have fully comprehended their point of view or comment.
2. Allow the whole story to be told. Don't assume you know what's going to be said or jump to conclusions. Hear them out!
3. Don't plan in your head what you're going to say next. This takes your mind away from actively listening to what the other person is saying.
4. Sometimes people just need to vent. What you have to say may not be as important as showing interest by actively listening.
5. Good communication skills offer a balanced opportunity for both partners to participate. Don't hog the show!

Relationship Benefits

• Learn more about your partner by listening.
• Open opportunities to correct misunderstandings early on.
• Trust is built in a relationship when we know we have a solid sounding board and a partner who cares enough to actively listen.

If you're struggling to maintain a long-term relationship, maybe someone has been trying to tell you something - but you just weren't listening. Or worse, you weren't interested in what was being said. If that's the case, you need to learn to actively listen, not to impress with your opinions, but rather with the intent of getting to know your partner. You may be amazed at what you hear!

By Noreen Ruth Dating & Relationship Expert DateShowcase.com Editor	Ask a question?

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