 All
loss, especially the loss of a close or intimate relationship, can result in feelings of sadness, anger, denial, fear, depression or guilt. Although it's normal to have some (or all) of these feelings, how you
respond to them will ultimately determine how you recover
and
move on. Here are some simple tips to help you start
the healing process and move on after a break-up:
Our Instinctive Response - Haunted by a
past relationship, your response may be to run away from your feelings or to pretend
you don't feel anything at all. It is also a common reaction to stay in "anger
mode" and see everything and everyone in a negative light. While this is normal
behavior after a failed relationship, if it becomes a long-term way of seeing
the world, it may be a sign of depression and should be addressed by a professional.
Acknowledge Feelings - Denial can provide a way to cope with loss
but will bottle up the destructive emotions that need to be expressed to be able
to move on. Allow plenty of time to acknowledge your feelings and to learn why
you feel the way you do. It's perfectly normal to feel crazy, alone and full of
negative emotions. But be assured that the feelings you have serve you well as
you learn to cope and discover more about yourself.
You need to deal with
the anger or sadness you will ultimately feel. Allowing it to build to the point
of exploding is dangerous. Find safe ways to express these feelings -cry, talk
to a friend, write in a journal, exercise.
Make Yourself #1 - Taking
care of yourself should be your first priority. Neglecting yourself is a sign
of grief and a dangerous sign of depression. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet,
maintaining fiscal responsibility and attention to personal grooming are the basic
requirements that need your continued attention. Exercise is a particularly important
way to relieve stress and lessen periods of depression and help induce sleep and
heighten self-esteem.
Build / Strengthen Social Connections - Friends,
family and a strong social system are vitally important during times of grief
or loss. A faith-based community of like-minded believers is particularly important.
Get involved in a community organization, club or group. Giving your talents and
time to a charity can go a long way in rebuilding your self-esteem.
Examining
Patterns of Behavior - The first step in letting go and moving on is to recognize
those things that were done and the behaviors that were directly related to your
past relationship. Look for patterns that were carried over from relationship
to relationship, including those from your childhood and those with your family.
For instance, were you passive or aggressive, available or difficult to reach,
approachable or distant? Examine how your behavior may have affected your relationship
and whether you need to make changes.
Consider Making Changes - With
the awareness of the role you played in your past relationships, you can choose
to make changes that will help you move on. If you were aggressive, perhaps being
a bit more laid back will be helpful in your next relationship. If you were standoffish
or distant with your last partner, opening up and sharing more about yourself
or working on devoting more time with your new partner may be the needed change.
Set Realistic Goals - Along with great change comes disruptions and
anxiety for the future. Now is the time to prioritize what you most want and need
and to prepare a realistic plan for achieving it. A plan will keep you focused
and goal-oriented which will help with the anxiety of uncertainty.
Signs
to Watch For - During times of loss, you may fall into habits or behaviors
that will only lead you into more depression, anxiety and sadness. Be aware of
these poor coping skills that are often used to fill the void:
- Excessive
alcohol use
- Illegal drug use
- Sexual promiscuity
- Buying
splurges; reckless with money
- Risky behavior - physical and emotional
Grief and loss are all part of experiencing love. You will come away
stronger and ready for a new relationship if you address your true feelings, maintain
social connections and know that your heart will heal in time.
By Noreen Ruth
Dating & Relationship Expert
DateShowcase.com Editor |
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