 It's much more common in mid-life than in any other stage of life for men and women to
venture into a relationship with a younger or older partner. Whether you're searching for excitement or security, do age differences
matter in a relationship? Should a birth certificate be the defining factor in
deciding whether or not to stay with someone you've connected with?
To an outsider, dating a younger partner may seem like an attempt to relive one's youth. And having an older partner may imply
a hidden desire to reconnect with a parent or an emotional
need or insecurity. But are these accurate assumptions?
Many romances between older and younger partners stand the test of time -
but just as many fail miserably. Although it may be very flattering, hip or cool
to date a younger or older person, the success of the relationship depends on
why you're dating and whether your differences are an advantage or a disadvantage.
Long-term Goals - All future plans need to be
discussed, debated and agreed on to have a successful relationship. If both people
are looking for a short-term relationship, goals don't matter much. But a career-minded
person is not going to have compatible goals with someone who is ready to retire.
If one person wants kids and the others are grown, future goals may not match.
Stages of Life - Another potential hurdle in dealing with
age differences is what will happen when one partner reaches old age. This is
often a point of denial in such relationships; but one that should be discussed
at length. Will
you be okay ending up as a full-time caregiver or in need
of care yourself?
Compatibility - We are defined by our experiences
and our history. Our heritage, religion and even the part of the country in which
we raised has an affect on our lifestyle and how we see the world. For any relationship
to succeed, regardless of any age differences, an acceptance of each other's particular
way of living and doing things is absolutely essential.
Matters of the
Heart - Although not true in every case, it has been noted that our priorities
change and we become more tolerant as we get older. Men are more tender, more nurturing,
more comfortable with intimacy, and able to share themselves in ways they never
could before as they get older. Women become more assertive and independent and less in need of
reassurance or approval from their partners. Each has the wisdom and experience
to celebrate the other.
Humor - A sense of humor matters a
great deal when there is a wide age difference in your relationship. There will
be times when humor and a willingness to see the funny side will help defuse an
awkward situation.
Outside Influences - As much as we would
like to think that what other people say about us doesn't matter, the truth is
that is has an impact. Friends, family and society in general all have opinions
about mixed-age relationships. Accepting this reality will help you fend off criticism
and negative attitudes from others. Try to see comments from family as concern
rather than criticism.
Chronological age is just a number. There are women
who are 50 and look 60 and men who are 70 who look 50. It's not the number of
years that matter but more about the physiological age - how we take care of ourselves.
If you're lucky enough to find that perfect someone and there is a gap in your
ages, remember that nothing worth having is simple or always easy.
By Noreen Ruth
Dating & Relationship Expert
DateShowcase.com Editor |
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